Today, my mom sent me to the new supermarket in town. I totally got lost while looking for bananas. And then suddenly I walked into an older guy and he stared at my boobs (yes I sound like a terrified nun saying this but whatever). He wasn’t even trying to hide it, it was just five awkward seconds of intense boob-staring. And since I seem to be very good at turning all of my utterances into awkward “that’s what she said” catch phrases, this is what happened.
Guy: *stares at my boobs*
Me: hi, can I ask you a question? Do you know where I can find the bananas here?
Guy: No. ehm. Right. ehm. Have a nice evening!
Last night I had a dream I was attending the Oscars but the moment I hit the red carpet I was dragged away by security because I didn’t shave my legs that day.
The invitation said “daily leg shaving required” in very small letters.
It was all kinds of awkward. There I was in the middle of L.A., all alone with perfect legs (“dream” legs that were actually quite smooth), worrying about what the tabloids would say the next day.
I wonder what my mind is trying to tell me.
My right eye has decided to cry non-stop since yesterday.
Last night I thought it would stop and I applied some waterproof mascara to go out for a quick drink, but just when I left my car, I met someone (ugh, don’t like her) I hadn’t seen in a long time. After some small talk, this happened:
“So, hey, ehm just wanted to ask you, are you OK? Were you punched or something? Your right eye is all black and watery.”
I told her what was going on, but she was all like “Yeah right…”
Used the wrong mascara.
I’m so fabulous though: started a rumor about me being punched and scared the hell out of my friends by entering the pub with mascara all over my face (and then I went to the bathroom of course haha).
I just broke a fence in the supermarket because I was super hurried. Next thing I know the alarm goes off and the whole supermarket is staring at me. Then I dropped my handbag as if I had been caught at a crime scene.
And last but not least. I only bought garbage bags.